The Role of Conscience in Bringing up Children

Tomorrow is my birthday, so I volunteered for this post because I had in mind to write a bible study on birthdays in Scripture. But what I found was discouraging: birthday celebrations are mentioned expressly only twice – and each time someone died! So my mind went from birthdays to children, to child rearing, and finally to the molding of their character and conscience. Being a Christian counselor, the latter held my attention and resulted in this post on the concept of conscience. I hope you will find it interesting and helpful.

The involvement of conscience throughout history is enormous. Many men and women suffered for what they considered to be right rather than taking the easy way out. They fought for justice and sought to help the oppressed. They stood up for what they considered to be wrong and influenced the laws of their land. Some even gave their lives.

Psychologists have sought to define conscience: Allport wrote of a generic conscience that enhances ones life, Freud paralleled it with his idea of ‘superego’ (a source of morality and moral judgment), and Fromm distinguished between two different types conscience: a fear-based, authoritarian, infantile sense of right and wrong, and a more mature, rational, sensitive, humanistic one. But despite their differences, psychologists agree that everyone is born with the capacity to develop a moral character, which in turn influences their conscience, and which progressively takes on shape as their cognitive capacities develop from infancy to adulthood and beyond. This capacity enabling human beings to make judgments based on values can be readily observed and seems to develop as a result of interactions between their desires to earn acceptance and avoid punishment, and the influence of socializing agents such as parents, peers, and wider society.

The Bible explains the true origin of conscience: at the very beginning of mankind’s history, God gave Adam the following command: “… of the tree of the knowledge of good an evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die” (Gen.2:17). And Satan added “…God knows that in the day you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil” (Gen.3:5). Adam and Eve may have believed that God wanted to deprive them of something good, that he wanted to withhold knowledge from them, but in reality His prohibition was meant for their protection. Why? Because once they knew both good and evil, they would not be able to abstain from doing evil. Contrary to what Satan had said, they would not be like God, because He alone is capable of doing good only and not evil. Jesus confirmed this by saying that “No one is good but One, that is, God” (Matt.19:17).

When Adam and Eve ate from the forbidden tree, their conscience was activated immediately: “…the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves coverings” (Gen.3:7). Their conscience told them that they had done wrong, and they “hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God” (Gen.3:8). And ever since then, mankind has been hiding from God. After all, who likes to have their wrongdoings exposed? It’s so much easier to blame others, just as Eve blamed the serpent (Satan), and Adam blamed Eve and ultimately God by referring to “the woman whom YOU gave to be with me” (Gen.3:12-13 - emphasis mine).

Conscience is therefore a God-given capacity. It could be defined as the inbuilt knowledge that some behavior is good and other behavior is evil. It is a God-given moral potential rooted in the image of God, which progressively unfolds as our cognitive capacities develop. We cannot escape the fact that we are moral beings, and the Bible is clear on this point: “…when Gentiles, who do not have the [Jewish] law, by nature do the things contained in the law, these, although not having the law, are a law to themselves, who show the work of the law written in their hearts, their conscience also bearing witness, and between themselves their thoughts accusing or else excusing them in the day when God will judge the secrets of men by Jesus Christ according to my [Paul’s] gospel” (Rom.2:14-15).

But consider this interesting phenomenon: although everyone has this faculty called conscience, the judgments determined by it can vary greatly. One tribal person might be honored for being a headhunter but severely punished for something we would consider a small offense, or no offense at all. Another tribal person may be honored for being utterly deceitful, but may be despised when being honest (I once saw a missionary documentary concerning such a tribe). This proves that all human beings distinguish between good and evil, but that their perception of what is good and what is evil can vary greatly. Even gangs and outlaws have a set of values and their own ‘moral’ code.

Observation tells us that the moral capacity we are born with, which develops into specific values and ideas as we grow up, and which is influenced by people and culture. The development of our conscience takes place as we socialize with persons that are important to us. We internalize their expectations (standards, ideals) and merge them with our own individual desires and innate moral consciousness until we finally end up with our own perceptions of right and wrong. But these are by no means fixed. If the impact of external factors is strong enough, and a person has the necessary internal motivation to change, their moral code can be adjusted.

Why is the shaping of conscience so dependent on surroundings? Because there are two strong motivators that make us take in parental ideals and expectations from an early age: love and fear. We love and admire our parents (or some other significant person), and we fear their punishment or rejection if we fall short. But as we grow older, we will increasingly look to other sources for our values and tend to take on board the standards of our peers and broader society. We experience a good conscience when we do what we have learnt to be right. Upbringing, education, and other external influences therefore play a big part in this process. Unfortunately, this also means that media, advertising, and associated peer pressures easily exploit children, teens, and even adults. How important it is to be selective in what we allow to enter our minds and affections, so that our conscience can be shaped according to godly values rather of the values of secular society!

Why does the Bible emphasize the upbringing of children? Because God knows that the formation of character and conscience is influenced by what we learn! The Old Testament advises parents to teach their physical children godly living in and through all of life’s circumstances (Deut.11:18-21); and the New Testament entreats God’s spiritual children not to be conformed to this world, but to be conformed to God’s standards. This requires a renewing of the mind in accordance with Scripture (Rom.12:1-2) and a focus on those things that are true, noble, just, lovely and praiseworthy (Phil.4:8). It is in following this advice, and by having their conscience directed by Him, that His children can prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.

Acting against our own conscience is sin. The Bible teaches that the functions of conscience are to convict us of wrongdoing (Jn.8:9) and to bear witness to our doing right (Rom.9:1), thus guiding our behavior. Nonetheless, some people may have a weaker conscience than others due to a lack of understanding. We find an example of this in 1 Cor.8:7-12, where the eating of meat offered to idols is seen as unlawful by some, but not by others. Paul understood that this is not a problem before God because idols have no power (1 Cor.8:4-6), but he insisted that love would not force this understanding on another brother or sister to make them act against their own conscience, which would be sin.

Praise God that His children can all have a clear conscience regarding their position before Him! The Bible teaches that when we put our faith in Christ, our conscience is cleansed from (our own) dead works by His blood (Heb.9:14), so that we can serve God in full assurance of faith with a CLEAR CONSCIENCE (Heb.10:22). This is our positional standing before God as His children - what an enormous blessing!

So let us teach our children well. God promises to bless our efforts! My own children are adults now, and I thank God that He has proven Himself to be faithful.

In His love, Margaret